Risks and Consequences

"Don't mind him, I'm just using our appointment as an opportunity to teach my son about the risks and consequences of self-medicating with prescription steroids."

Milk Production

"We tried using growth hormones to increase milk production but stopped after we realized drinking it was causing my son to produce milk of his own."

Raging Hormones

"Yes, Mom, I know the girls on spring break are still full of raging hormones but you don't have to worry about me getting anyone pregnant or taking advantage of them while they're drunk. I promise I won't do anything you wouldn't do."

Juicy Tips

 "I know it's only been four months but I've already saved up enough tip money to pay back what I owed you and then some."

 "Listen hot stuff, I don't want your money any more and that's that. When I agreed to forgive your considerable debt to me you agreed to spend a full year in my club as the dancer with a little something-ah...extra. Those were the terms and they are not negotiable, so I don't want to hear any more complaints about them. If anything you should be happy you get to keep all those-ah...juicy tips."

 "But that's eight more months of female hormones! I didn't know they'd be so strong and I didn't know the string breasts implants you picked out for me would keep expanding!"

 "Those aren't my problems, sweet cheeks. This is what happens when you take out a loan you can't repay in Chinatown. I can't replace your pretty face over night and I don't have to. So don't call again unless it's to ask for more hours."

Misinterpreted

"Now that the ceremony is over I guess I know why my hormones have changed so much these past few months, there really was something in the water. When I gave my hand to the chief on my first day here I was only trying to introduce myself as an aid worker to the tribe. I guess he misinterpreted that as a love slave."

Specific Locations

"So like I told your secretary on the phone, those experimental weight loss pills have had some extreme side effects. As you can see I only lost weight in a few very specific locations and the worst part is that the areas that stayed fatty seem to be slowly gaining back all the weight I lost."

Best Self

 Kyle had completed about half of his "Unlock Your Potential: Become Your Best Self" sleep-hypnosis CD's and while he hadn't turned into a hunk like he wanted, he was happy with the results. replacing processed foods with fruits and veggies had given him more energy and herbal supplaments had improved his looks and confidence. Even if girls at the club still weren't giving him their number, at least he was more popular on the dance floor. It was only when the HR department at work had a discussion about his life style that he realized something was wrong. When he got home he discovered he had replaced all his boxers with yoga shorts and tank tops. The chap stick he always carried was actually lip gloss. He picked up the last disc he'd been listening to for the past week. It said "Sexual Mastery: Pleasing Your Lover." He glanced at the discs he hadn't listened to yet. They were all about weight lifting and picking up chicks. He had never started the journey to becoming a better man. He looked in the mirror and finally recognized his best self was now a woman.

Major Gains

 
When Daniel first started juicing he cut costs by mail ordering from a pharmacy south of the border who only required a phone consultation from their in-house doctor. He wasn't quite sure what steroids he was getting on account of his limited Spanish, but he had insisted it didn't matter as long they were strong. That was months ago now and instead of improving his gains he only seemed to be losing stamina and muscle definition. When he woke up this morning it was worse than ever. He now felt soft and fat, jiggly even. It was only when he looked in the mirror that he realized he'd finally made some major gains.

Notable Side Effects

"You have a clean bill of health and apart from these notable side effects
the follicle rejuvenation treatment has been a complete success.
Your hair is now so thick I'm actually a little jealous, Marshall."

Hormone Imbalance

By the time he called a specialist about a possible hormone imbalance Richard had more concerns than just erectile dysfunction.

Enlarged Prostate

"Doctor, since we started these injections my waist has shrunk, my hips expanded and now it appears I'm growing breasts. Are you sure this is the best way to treat an enlarged prostate?"